4 MISTAKES MARRIED WOMEN MAKE || MILDRED KINGSLEY OKONKWO

As a woman,  You must learn to respect your husband, the same way you would respect your pastor. He is your own pastor at home.

1. THINKING THAT YOU ARE THE PROJECT: I understand what it is like to get married and think everything will be about you because from the beginning, the man chased you, you felt like a Princess. You made it difficult, sometimes he would call, you won’t pick your call…he is doing all the chasing, taking you out to dinner, sending you love notes, he is doing everything he can to get you.

Most men are project driven, so the reason why he was so invested, chasing you is because you were the project. So now, he has moved on to other projects: making money, getting a promotion at work, having babies, providing for the babies, building his house; there are many other projects. You were just one of the projects, he has achieved that project. He has ticked that box and has moved on. I know it is hard to hear but it is the truth.

Solution: Quit nagging about, “you don’t call me anymore, you don’t check up on me anymore, you don’t tell me I’m beautiful” and join him in achieving his other projects.

If you want to stay relevant in a man’s life, you have to be in his face.

The Bible says that Adam had work, then God sent the woman to be a helpmeet (Genesis 2:15-18). He needed a helper that was suitable for him and adaptable to him; a helper that was comparable to him.

Get interested in the things He is interested in, join him in achieving the next project.

Marriage is never about what you can get. It is always about what you can give…thinking you are the sole reason why marriage was set up; it is going to be a huge disappointment on you and cause you to get depressed.

2. SUPPORTING THE WRONG DECISION: You should be the voice of reason in your husband’s life.

“He is my husband, what am I to do?”:

– Your husband wants to kill somebody, will you follow him?

– Your husband wants to steal, will you follow him?

Let’s stop supporting wrong decision under the guise of submission. All of a sudden when submission is a good enough excuse, or something we can hide under, we say, “I’m submitting.” But if they say, “submit”: you would fight, “why must women submit?”

Look at the story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11).

If your husband is doing something wrong, be able to stand up for the truth.

Some women say, “I don’t want trouble”: that’s what you are there for, you are there to trouble his trouble, you are there to make sure that his life turns out good.

I always tell women, “You determine the legacy your husband leaves for your children.” If your husband is doing something wrong and you don’t speak up: your sons will see it and say it is okay; your daughters will see it and say it is okay.

Your job is to support your husband when he is making the right decisions and to correct him when he is not: prayerfully and respectfully correct him.

My husband knows, I am the number one person to tell him the truth

3. FAMILIARITY: It’s so easy to fall into that mistake of familiarity because you are the person that has seen your husband at every point, then you forget that you should honour him as your king and as your husband. You speak to him anyhow; he annoys you, you shout at him; things you probably would not do before you got married.

It’s a huge mistake because respect is one of the major needs of every man. Every man wants to be a king of his castle. I have learnt that if you treat a man like a king, he will treat you like a queen.

I tell women, “you must learn to respect your husband, the same way you would respect your pastor.”

Esther 1:1-22

“if Vashti did not misbehave, there will be no position for Esther. Esther would have married somebody else…but Vashti MISBEHAVED.”

Your husband may not replace you by marrying another wife, but he may replace you in his heart: he is not talking to you about very important things, he is not talking to you about sensitive things. You will now notice that he is talking more to his friends, brothers, siblings, other family members but he is not talking to you.

Check your heart, if you have been treating him with disrespect, a man will simply log out. If he is a good man, he might not marry someone else; I know some evil men that will just move on; they will ‘Vashti’ you, banish you and look for an Esther (one small fine girl that they can just replace you with).

That’s the mistake married women make, they disrespect their husbands constantly. No matter how annoying your husband is, no matter what you want to tell him, there must be a way you can tell him respectfully and prayerfully.

4. NOT TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES: We are all guilty, married women are the most guilty of this. This is in 2 levels; first of all, not taking care of your looks. Men are moved by what they see. God gave us ‘expo’ when Samuel went to anoint David (1 Samuel 16:4-12). Men are not God, men look on the outward, God looks on the inside. Men are into packaging; you must first be attractive to them.

A lot of women get married and relax…by 3 pm you have not brushed your teeth; you are walking about with wrapper on your chest.

I know your husband is born again, “my husband is born again, my husband can never cheat on me.”

Thank you, but must he be under punishment?

Thank you that he will not cheat on you, but can’t you make it easy for him not to cheat on you?

This day I hear the women complain, “everything is about women.” The truth is if you sit there and say, “everything is about women, what about men?” Nothing is going to be done. The Bible says your obedience must be complete before you can revenge any disobedience (2 Corinthians 10:6).

If you go to God and say, my husband is not doing this, God will say, what about you?

John 21:18-22

God will say, “do your own first, then I will fight for you.”