RANDOM NAUGHTY THOTZ 057: (LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS)

J Dust: I keep saying it; there is nothing like ‘just friendship’ between two mature people of the opposite sex especially if they are both single. One of them wants more than just friendship

TeeSala: Ere ki laja n ba ekun se? (e hard to translate. Lol!)

J Dust: Abi!!!  He/she is just my friend yen yen yen!!!

Olaronke: Sincerely, me too I now agree. I am agreeing because my bestie of 3 years told me I have always loved you! (I was like) wait, what?????? But we are besties. You guys are just funny. Smh

Titi: I actually think it is possible.  I’ve had some great male friends. The only problem is sometimes (not all the time), one person is good with the friendship and the other allows their hormones to take over their brain. Or in some cases, the only reason the two people were even friends is because one of them actually liked the other from the beginning but didn’t want to ruin anything. And in most cases it is always the guy. Whhhhhyyyyy????? What is wrong with you people????????????? Instead of you people to just come out and say you like someone, so that we can quickly deal with it and get on with our wonderful friendship or go our separate ways…. you will now wait till it is almost the end of the world and come and be talking about how they like you. Nonsense. After someone has invested in the friendship… nonsense

Olaronke: Asinn. Very annoying

J Dust: Aunty, even your ‘great male friends’ it isn’t all for the sake of the friendship 100%  They must have had a crush on you or something  at one point, but they won’t say.  It might have started as just casual friendship, then the guy starts liking you, hence, he keeps hovering around. Some guys for fear of not spoiling the friendship refuse to ask you out. So eventually they find someone else but keep you as a female friend. Well… because you are an amazing person

Queen: My own problem is why does our friendship have to end?  We’ve been great friends, you begin to catch feelings, you tell me, I say I don’t feel the same way but I value our friendship. Then, you draw back. Like draw back patapata ni o (completely). Why? What happened to all the years of great “unmushy” relationship??

Mide: Abi o

Titi: This thing used to pain me ehn. I suddenly don’t have any value again. Nonsense!!!!!!

Toun: Notice how many times Titi said “Nonsense!!!” Looll

 

TeeSala: Ladies don’t know what they want. That’s the problem. If US deny you visa, won’t you try UK?

Queen: This is not a general rule. This doesn’t apply

J Dust: Abi if GTB ATM no pay won’t you go to UBA ATM? Would you just say dandan (compulsorily) GTB ATM must pay and you stay there all day just because you bank with GTB or you have always been using that GTB ATM all your life?

 

Titi: Can you see how you people are missing the point? You are missing it. How does this even relate

Queen: It doesn’t. At all.

Toun: It’s weird that you’re comparing the issues you have with banks/ATMs with the issues you have with women.

J Dust: OK I admit we are missing it. I just like using ATM analogy anytime *tongue out*

 

Olaronke: Well, if they can’t handle it, it is better they withdraw so that they can focus on the next person.

J Dust: Exactly my point!!!  It doesn’t make the guy a bad person or an immature person… I for one cannot multitask. My brain is always with a lady at a time. In Uni days I could afford to be friends with every girl, but there comes a time in a man’s life when he wants to get married. So he looks up among his friends and sincerely prays to God to show him his wife (since we pray to marry our friends). After praying to God he chooses one and the lady says No. Do you expect him to remain friends with her and remain single for life?  No. He prays to God again and asks him to really show him his wife among other friends since this one has refused him

Queen: I’m not saying you shouldn’t go for someone else, I’m saying I don’t have feelings!

J Dust: which is fine. I respect that. But don’t blame a guy for withdrawing.

Titi: I get it if we were not friends for that long, and you were very clear from the beginning what you wanted from me. But if we were really great friends, and then you choose to catch feelings and I didn’t catch it as well. How dare you withdraw like that??? If you want to even withdraw, you have to do it with scope o. Little by little does it fam. Not yank the tape off and leave me feeling useless and friendless

Queen: Thank you o

J Dust: You don’t expect the friendship to continue like before. Most times that’s the fulcrum of the friendship in the first place. Things will be awkward at first when you turn the guy down… For the best of guys like myself (amen?) I will tend to withdraw a bit to deal with everything; we are still cool but I might withdraw a bit and come around later. If the tables were turned you ladies would do the same as well. Funny, ladies want to be friends with a guy (he is awemazing they say)… Ladies also want to marry their friend… Male friend asks them out they say ‘I only see you as a friend’… Friend withdraws cos he is trying to deal with the pain of rejection, ladies say he is immature for withdrawing. They slam him among their girlfriends for that behaviour. So you enjoy his friendship, you value his time and commitment to the friendship but he is not worthy to be dated or gotten married to. We men too don’t get it. But then like Queen said; it is about feelings at the end of the day. We get it. By the way I think it is selfishness (sorry to say). Do you even care about the guy’s feelinnngsssss. Like it should be about you. You just broke a guy’s heart and you expect him to call you the next day and act like nothing happened. And yeah sometimes love just take over… Sometimes you don’t plan to fall in love… It starts as church members, acquaintances, neighbours, same whatsapp group, friends on IG,  etc. Moreover even if I like you from the start you don’t expect me to just say ‘hey marry me’ or ‘I want to be your boyfriend’ I am so sure you ladies will castigate the guy again. Ladies what do you want???

Titi: Don’t you see that it’s also selfish as well… if someone just leaves you like that. Is it all the people you have as friends that you can date? In short, we shouldn’t have friends again except they are of the same sex

J Dust: Well… This is the point we have been trying to say from the start. Have male friends but have it at the back of your mind that virtually every friendship with the opposite sex has an undertone. So don’t be surprised when the guy asks you out. And don’t be surprised if he withdraws when you turn him down. When he withdraws, go back to your girlfriends. That is why we have friends of the same sex. You can be sure they don’t have any undertone of wanting to catch feelings at the end. The whole friendship with the opposite sex thing is cool at a certain age or stage, but after that I ask people…’ere ki laja bekun se’ (tell your Yoruba friends to interpret for you. Lol!). Sometimes the guy needs to withdraw from a female friend so he doesn’t give away the impression they are dating and thus not drive away his potential wife. Same goes for ladies as well. Plus withdrawing help me focus and place myself in a position to see other fishes in the ocean (I guess I have to apologize to Toun again for comparing ladies to fishes)

Mide: I don’t understand why guys think if we become friends is to date alone I don’t get the analogy. If that is your take kuku stay in your lane. It not compulsory

J Dust: We are not feeling entitled to you dating us… but you need to understand the emotional implication of getting rejected by someone you love. It gets worse when the person is your friend. The problem is when you now blame the guy for withdrawing as if he being rejected by you is not emotionally painful enough. Nobody is feeling entitled but you need to know we have feelings too

Titi: Don’t we all

J Dust: Yeah! So don’t castigate a guy for withdrawing. That’s my own case after all. If the guy doesn’t slam you for rejecting him just let him be edakun (please)

Titi: You too, don’t castigate a girl for being pissed at the guy!

J Dust: You too don’t castigate a guy for getting pissed at the girl for getting pissed at him. Lol!!!

Titi: Lol!  I agree with this. If you feel you are getting to attached and it is not going anywhere, it is okay to withdraw. But my point is – withdraw with sense biko. Not in a nonsensical way

J Dust: We handle things differently. Not everyone is that mature. So understand with everyone… Even the guys with the best of intentions handle emotional heart breaks differently. It is why from the start have it at the back of your mind that there is nothing like platonic friendship with the opposite sex especially when you are both single… It saves you a lot of cycle of stress

Titi: I refuse to have this mindset. Thanks, but no thanks

J Dust: Las las we gon be alright. When they finally ask you out or withdraw let’s know. I need to add it to my research data. To either reject or fail to reject the hypothesis.

TeeSala: Titi talking about feelings is the highpoint of this for me. As in??? Titi?. The girl na Rock. After her na Toun. Feeelingless people’s party. (FPP)

J Dust: You just dey look for trouble abi. When they come for you I’m not there. Awon iya (Ogun state branch)

TeeSala: I dey here dey wait them… You know I don’t know of many platonics that remain so… The guys mostly try to come to their senses early. As the sensei @J Dust has said… It’s plain selfish on the part of women.

J Dust: You know!!! But they won’t admit

TeeSala: I saw a trending video of one pastor saying… Guys want to date anything that crosses their path, that some people should remain as friends… Yen yen yen… that some people may not be useful now but later they may be life savers. I’m like Oga, calm down. Every relationship thrives by the value on offer. If that’s the only value or superimposing value then the Bros has to ask you out. If you don’t want, Shikena!

Titi: Pastor lo n so yen yen yen (Pastor saying yen yen yen?). Rude much…

 

J Dust: If Teesala were single now, we would have said he is biased, but he is happily married…

TeeSala: Je kan mo (Let them know)

J Dust: However, I think the pastor might be castigating guys who just toast up and down. Not for serious minded guys.

TeeSala: Are there guys like that???

J Dust: Yes na. Gospel yoruba demons. May God save our sisters from them Lol!